The gremlin can be very convincing. After years of struggling with my own gremlins and helping others navigate their way through the maze of Gremlinville, I have become convinced that the best way to manage the gremlin is to become aware of its presence, become familiar with the various ways it shows up, and befriend it. YES!!!!!!!!!! befriend it.

I have come to think of my gremlin as a friend seeking to protect me. You may wonder how negative self talk is protective. Think of it this way–imagine the gremlin as a part of yourself that is overly concerned about one thing or another. Out of its concern for your well being it attempts to protect you from failing, being blind sided by an external critic, or from not noticing potential dangers. Consider it a friend on steroids who needs to be managed. I recall a mentor who suggested we thank the gremlin for sharing and then gently dismiss it after taking note of the concerns raised.

Gremlins chatter about many areas of one’s life. Sometimes the gremlin challenges whether you are smart enough, pretty enough, competent enough, loving enough, etc. Even though protective in intent, if left unchecked, the gremlin’s chatter can lower self esteem, and leave one feeling disempowered. For this reason the gremlin must be managed. You can do this.

Begin by listening carefully–what exactly is your gremlin whispering? Write it down. Byron Katie recommends asking four questions about disturbing thoughts.

She recommends you ask yourself:

1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Your answers to these questions can help you tame the gremlin and point you in the direction of taking control of your thoughts. Taming the gremlin is no easy task but it is so worth your effort. A tamed gremlin can be your friend, an untamed gremlin–not so much.

Pauline G. Everette, LMSW, PhD