I am going to assume that we would all like to be better communicators. After all, effective communication skills contribute to healthy romantic relationships. To increase the chances of being effective communicators there are some habits that need to be broken because they are barriers to effective communication.

Barriers to effectively communicating with a partner are:

• Fear of rejection
• Avoidance of vulnerability
• Rushing to judgment
• Speaking harshly

Effective communicators will avoid:

• Giving unwanted advice
• Moving prematurely to problem solving
• Changing the subject (Linda Wilcox, Harvard University)

I would add that effective communicators:

• Benefit from knowing their preferred communication style
• Speak what needs to be said in an open and compassionate manner
• Listen with the intention of understanding what the other has to say

Communication can go wrong for many reasons . But, often when communication derails, it is because one or both partners are hiding. When people feel vulnerable they become self-protective and shields go up. Speaking to a relationship therapist can help with this.